I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
