sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
