i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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