is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
