Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
