sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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