I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
