dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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