A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
