Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
