Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
