Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
