i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
