we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
