i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
