Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
