Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
