so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
