Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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