It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
