Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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