Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
