would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
