New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
