Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
