Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
