HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
