billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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