your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Where is the hickey?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
