Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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