He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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