Just fell off a train. Bad.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
