im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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