If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
