Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

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(336): View more from North Carolina

That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!

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(816): View more from Missouri

They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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(740): View more from Ohio

I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it

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(440): View more from Ohio

I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.

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(303): View more from Colorado

please don't ironically join a cult

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