My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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