Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
