A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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