i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
