the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
