Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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