its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
