My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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