My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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