Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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