Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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