I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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