Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
