Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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