just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
