this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
