hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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